The second baby
I saw a post on Facebook recently.
It listed all the necessary baby registry items for your first baby, then second and then third.
First: crib, car seat, pacifier, rocking chair, diapers, wipes, baby books, etc....a very lengthy list.
Second: coffee, diapers, extra car seat, frozen meals, wine.
Third: 90-day kid and spouse-free trip to Tahiti, vasectomy appointment, therapist.
Yeah, that’s mostly for chuckles. But also sort of true.
I have so many baby things that I will reuse for number two.
Although since this one will be a different gender, my sister visited recently with an entire duffle bag full of boys’ clothes, so there’s another thing I’m set on.
Unlike my first pregnancy, I wasn’t glued to pregnancy apps and books. I realized about a week late that I had entered my third trimester.
I was very scared once this second pregnancy started feeling more real.
Once the kicks started, I almost wanted them to stop.
It’s not that I’m not excited for this new child, though I honestly felt like I resented him a little at first.
My real fears were that I didn’t feel like I got enough quality time with my daughter.
After consoling with my husband, mom and my baby group from when Lena was born, I feel much better.
I was surprised — though I’m not sure why — to hear that I wasn’t alone among other moms with this feeling.
Plenty of other moms in my baby group have had the exact same feelings of almost resentment, regardless of the age gap between their own children.
Pregnancy hormones and lack of sleep are probably not helping my situation in the least.
Also, when all this first started coming to light, I was living in my parents’ basement with my daughter, while my husband and furbabies were still living in Lincoln. That in itself can cause anyone stress, regardless if they’re pregnant.
Moving, pregnancy and job changes are listed as some of the most stressful situations in life. But throwing them all together is just asking for trouble.
But we did it! And now that we are starting to be settled into our new home and have escaped from the basement, things are really starting to look up.
Yes, we still have tons of boxes to go through and a dog fence to put up (if anyone wants to help my husband with that job, look me up!), but things are finally starting to feel right. I am so happy to be back home — though I never thought I would say that.
I’m excited to raise my children in a town where they can walk to Grandma’s across town and I won’t worry about them.
I’m excited for my children to get to grow up with family and some really amazing friends and neighbors.
I am also preparing myself for the possibility of having postpartum depression (PPD)—again. This is a very real issue with pregnancies and it should not be dismissed.
The plan for not letting my potential PPD get the best of me is mainly knowing, and more importantly, using, my support system.
I shut my feelings up for months last time. Knowing that I am not the only one who has experienced the hormone fluctuations (on top of sleep deprivation and complete change in lifestyle) is probably the one thing keeping me sane right now.
That, and my dogs give some pretty good snuggles when needed.